Expectations

Is it unfair to say that unrealistic expectations are the source of all discontent? OK, maybe not all … but much discontent. Unrealistic expectations in marriage lead to frustration and conflict. Unrealistic expectations about parenting lead to shock and not as much awe as we were thinking. Unrealistic expectations about the happiness money can buy lead to emptiness. Unrealistic expectations from your church lead to dissatisfaction and whining.

And, I believe, the same is true for our relationship with God. I have listened to, watched, and experienced myself how unrealistic expectations about how God should act, what He should do, what a relationship with Him should feel like and accomplish has led to discontent, frustration, conflict, shock, emptiness, dissatisfaction and whining. We assume Jesus must do certain things. We presume that believing in Jesus must feel a certain way all the time. We expect change to occur in a particular way. And when it doesn’t then we have problems with God.

A little while ago I read an article entitled ‘Don’t Carpe Diem‘ by Glennon Melton about the reality of parenting (well worth the read!). And she makes the point that there is a difference between Chronos time and Kairos time. Chronos time is ‘regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s starting at down the clock till bedtime time …. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.’  But Kairos time ‘is God’s time. It’s outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still.‘

Here is my thought. Too often we expect believing in Jesus, following Him, praying to Him to be full of Kairos time. But it is not. Our expectations are unrealistic. In fact, it may be days, or weeks, or months or even years of Chronos time. Or, as Eugene Peterson puts it, faith is a ‘long obedience in the same direction.’

So, if you – like me – often get frustrated and angry, whiny and discontent about God and your relationship with Him; perhaps we need to ask whether are expectations are realistic? Biblical?  And maybe, just maybe, we would then have eyes more prone to glimpse those ‘magical kairos moments’ which we can cherish as gifts from God.

 

 

With my own eyes

Last weekend I saw with my own eyes what I have written about in my last few blog entries: mature followers of Jesus who have matured into children of their Father.

I had the opportunity to sit with a group of women who have – how should I put it? –  lived more years than I. We were listening to one another share where God is at work in our hearts and souls and as I listened to these women I was struck and overwhelmed by the beauty of what I was seeing with my own eyes and hearing with my own ears. Here were very accomplished, successful, mature women who have achieved a great deal in their lives … and as they shared their voices and eyes were those of young children who simply loved their Father in Heaven.

It truly was a holy moment. And a holy invitation to keep growing younger as I grow older.

The Heart of Home

I have been a sojourner, alien, foreigner for over 14 years now, and have become increasingly comfortable with an identity as an outsider. In a way I have come to embrace this identity with its roots in the biblical truth that we are aliens and sojourners in this world … never fully at home, longing for the world to come (Hebrews 11: 14-16). But I sense a shift is happening. A shift that doesn’t leave this perspective behind,  but one that turns towards home.

What would it look like to know and embrace the biblical reality of being home with my Father now, today? To  experience the security of being a child at home in a world that is not our home. In other words, I am starting to sense wonder in the words of Jesus,  “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” (John 14: 23) Make our home with him. There are questions here: what does this look like? How am I shutting the door on my Father? How can I experience this more fully? Questions worth exploring. But there is also a mysterious wonder here: God Himself dwelling with me, the Son at home in my heart, the intimacy of living with the Trinity, the rest and peace of being home and tasting an eternal reality.

This ‘homeward’ thinking reveals another one of those Kingdom paradoxes: we are at once aliens in a far off land, and children at home with our Father. I have spent 14 years mostly knowing the former, and now long to know more of the latter.